when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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