just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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