I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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