Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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