Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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