haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have post one night stand depression
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