and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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