I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
