U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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