I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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