Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
