i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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