don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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