Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
