I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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