she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
