Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
