Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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