your thong is hanging out like whoa
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
