the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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