in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
