when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
