Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
