My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
