I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
