neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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