Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
