We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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