I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
