He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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