my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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