i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
