I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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