every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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