Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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