he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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