There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
