I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
