Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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