I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
