You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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