I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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