Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
