I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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