Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
