While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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