Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
