Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
