i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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