something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
