im drinking this country out of the recession.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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