i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
