I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
